Brain Error 404

It has been nearly four years since I started looking into psychology. And one of the most fascinating activities is what I call BRAIN ERROR 404.

This happens when a life event, “a memory” is so traumatic and damaging that your brain literally decides to hide it from you, encrypt it; in essence delete it.

Now, how the human memory and brain works is that, when you have a memory to store, it is stored near to the objects it is related with. It’s like a web, an object is linked with each characteristic of that memory, and then each characteristic is connected with every other object which has same characteristics.

Example. If your brain is saving a memory of a ball, it’s saved, and then linked with that place, time, weather, shape(circle and sphere) and color of the ball. Let’s say, if it was a red ball, then that memory will also trigger other recent or frequently used memories which had some connection with red color.

It is one of the most useful yet unfortunate activity that could happen to anybody. Why? And how do I know this? Because I’m one of those people who have this. Almost all of my memories before I was of age 16 has been hidden and only a few memory are left to be accessed. I have stories, life story, and a handful of memory visual bursts, nothing other than that.

To give you a feel that how does it feel. Lemme walk you through something that happened today. I was reading necrology in the newspaper and I saw a guy’s obituary. He was my school senior and died a very unfortunate death. Somehow even that was linked with some memory I was forbidden to see. So, what happened is that I knew that guy yet when I was looking for any memory, I felt it, I could feel him walking down the lane, I could almost see his limbs coming into shape and yet the brain humbly denies you the access. Just imagine searching for something, and your brain says, I remember it, I remember it vividly, yet I refuse to show it to you. It’s so frustrating, because literally all you can do is beat around the bush. Because it’s like trying to catch a hologram, it exists, yet you can’t.


One thought on “Brain Error 404

  1. Your writing and reasoning resonates with me. I may or may not have ptsd. So as I believed in determinism I forgave the person most likely to have done it. Even though I have no memories of what “it” is. So I forgave him everything. And as I wasn’t completely sure it was him I forgave everyone else everything. I then entered a euphoric state for 5 days and as it appeared to my own consciousness ( which is all you can be sure of) I saw heaven on earth.


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