I am that kid who has hid himself, , cramped beneath the table, in the dark, fed up of the world, totally done, totally defeated, just wanna hide, away from the light, exposure or attention. I am that kid.
I had a really hard time coping up, mixing up with others, it just isn’t my cup of tea! I didn’t like people because I could see beneath their skin, their mask, who they really are, the hypocrites most of them are. But I never lost hope, I always hoped there are people who aren’t like most of them! I hoped! And I still hope!
Soon, the pain dissolved(but was always there, just not dominant) , I decided to observe the world outside the one I created, I was eager, eager to have a normal life, who isn’t? I love nature, you know why? Because it created such beautiful things like my brain, when things got too complicated for it, it just simply stopped recording them! I can’t remember any of my childhood! And as a result, I can’t remember most of my pain, now it’s all just a hazy illusion. Something plausible! Isn’t that wonderful?
When the pain was just background noise, I started again, with new hopes, finger crossed! Made friends, started exploring! Finding things! Losing myself in my world! I was happy, that at last my story will have a ending saying, “And he lived happily ever after”, but I guess that’s just fairy tale’s endings.
When my eyes were just adjusting to the darkness around me, when I started loving that old musky smell of the wooden table beneath which I was hiding, only when I loved that world was going on without me, a firm dark toned male hand popped out of nowhere and grabbed my leg, started pulling me out. By the intensity he grabbed me, I knew he was from the light, he was from the outside world, he knew nothing of the comfort of the darkness, of the ignorance, of the absence of attention. He didn’t know that I was hiding there not for my fun, but I feared that how the people around will react when they will see me as me again, exposed, moved out! They don’t know what all I had to do to survive! They don’t know! They will never know! I’ll never let them!
I believe in Jesus, and I know that everything is His plan, and I trust him, i know because I have witnessed Him and His work all my life. But just that only if I knew! Because transitions always scared me, I was never fond of them.
Everything is for a reason, no matter what, never lose hope.